Deadened to the passage of time

Tonight dawns the moment of all truth. Can't find the stopping power to join the evil side of my mind. It seems like this may be the whole way out it seems like this may be the best plan of attack it seems this maybe the stopping point. Why can't I get this going why can't I stop my self from hurting the ones that I love why can't I keep going. This driving me nuts I know that there i more here I know that I can solve this. Its not a Sherlock problem its a solution that I know is within my mind. It is within my time to keep going it is within the power to stop. Here now lies the adventure I have set out. it is for the hero to take his path. It is for the hero to show his true might. It is for the hero to keep his goals. Bam Bam. the fist flies in sync. The concussion is felt through to the back of my skull. Why punch back. Its not like its going to matter. He is going to continue to take his advantage. I do not have the strength of will to defend. I can and will take this. Why. because she loves me that's why. Its not like we continue to fight for the same reasons. we always come up with new ones. Deadened to the passage of time. I can no longer see why this became the way it became. Nor did my brother think of it. Why didn't he catch it. Isn't that what he is for. If I miss something he is supposed to catch it. Not this time. I was alone and nothing was more real. Even in this fiction, even in this novel in my mind. This was real. It was due or die time. It was the release that I needed and I finally had it. Why after all this time did it come to me now. Why is it that these things always come at the time you do not want them to. I was finally good, I figured out reality. I had no more time for fiction. I had no need for that adventure. I had this. Yet this was the time that it decided to embark me. Stupid. Stupid.I can't go. I have no choice. I can't go. I have no choice.


Pain power darkness these are what matter. Love honor and light have no place in my mind, no place in my heart. Time is up.